“I can’t find the ornaments,” I shouted down the stairs at my husband. “With all the boxes we’ve moved in here since my parents died, the ornaments may be buried someone in a closet.”
I stared at the Christmas naked tree in frustration. “This should’ve been an easy way to bring some joy into this house,” I thought. “Now, you’re just another sign that nothing is normal, easy or joyful without some pain in my life right now.”
I immediately hopped up and drove to store to look for new ornaments. “I’ll start over with this tree like I am doing in life,” I thought. Unfortunately, I barely found any ornaments that spoke to me. So, I left.
I stared at the twinkling lights on the tree and thought, “I know.” I ran upstairs and grabbed the silver charms of my departed loves on that hung from my bouquet at my wedding in March. I strung them on ribbons. Then, I went on Etsy and ordered custom one of lost loved ones, places that impacted my life and special moments. “I’ll create a memory tree,” I thought.
The final ornaments came in today, what would’ve been my beloved mother Gloria’s 73rd birthday.
“It’s been thee years since she’s been gone but it feels like it was yesterday. At least this year she with my dad, I pray. They left me but I think, in an ideal situation, that’s God’s plan; Parents before children. It’s bittersweet. How can I feel so dead inside while also feeling comforting my memories of the love, support and friendship I shared with them.”
“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.”
Haruki Murakami
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#chronicillness #spoonie #christmascountdown #uglychristmassweater #ornaments #ripmom
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