Sometimes I wonder when I’ll say, “enough is enough.” After decades of living with a chronic illness, today I was finally close. I only got to see 1/3 of my specialists and I learned that my fight for longevity and good health wages on.

I was optimistic when I walked in to NYU’s building on west 52nd Street. The nurse told me I looked great. She added that she was impressed that I no longer needed my cane. My daily cardio and weight lifting session pairs off. I also figured eating better, sleeping more, and taking my medicine on time would help me get good news. But, seconds after the doctor’s stethoscope hit my chest, it was all down hill. A few extra heart beats set off a chain of upsetting news.

“What’s the point?” I wondered. “I try and try but my body constantly fails me. I know none of get out of this life alive but my body is actively trying to kill me.”

Two medical appointments turned into four other stops. One to get flu shot. Another for a shingles shot. Then, I needed a quick blood draw stop and I made tentative arrangements for a heart ultrasound to determine if inflammation is interfering with the blood flow from my heart or if my leaky valve is problem or something far greater. Oh, and I forgot I spoke with my cardiologist about possible additional medication, to prevent me from having stroke or a heart attack.

After my visits I walked to Broadway and saw the sign for “MJ the Musical.”

“I’d like to see this. There are other things I’d like to do.,” I thought. So I grabbed a quote bite to eat and thought, “the fight continues.”

chronicillness #autoimmunedisease #igg4 #spoonie #chronicpain #disability #invisibleillness #health #hearthealth