Figuring out what kind of man I wanted to share my life with was easier for me than most because of my father. I watched how he loved my mother and knew I wanted that level of commitment, affection and support for myself. This notion was reinforced as I watched him care for her during her final months.

My father cooked for her, cleaned her, dressed her, and accompanied her to medical appointments. He slept beside her in the basement of their home when she couldn’t make it upstairs to their bedroom. And, he kissed her every day even when she couldn’t lift her head.

Hours before she passed, he sat next to her with his hand on hers as she said she wanted to transition to hospice. He said, “it’s okay baby, you don’t have suffer any more.” And, he remained silent when she decided to stay at the hospital rather than go home.

Days later, my father sat with me as we planned her funeral. He remained strong as he chose a song to play at the service, “Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion. He shared photos and a poem he wrote to honor her.

To Mrs. Right

I looked up and you were there, “my muse.” 

Who lights up my being.

As you spoke, it was like the sound of summer.

As I looked at your presence, I saw a great beauty like the kind I had in my mind forever. 

And, as I go about my day-to-day

My thoughts of you, “my muse,l are always on a spectrum of LOVE. 

My father wallowed in his grief only briefly. His began smiling again at family gatherings and shared stories about my mom. He taught me that love doesn’t die but pain fades and life goes on. 

On Saturday, I’ll gather with my father and a few family members at my parents’ home in honor of my dad’s birthday. I know my mom is glad he was born and lived his life with her and so  am I. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! I love you! 

#birthdays #blacklove #blackfamily #fathersanddaughters #marriage #death #grief #cancer #scleroderma