I don’t cry often. When I do, I can usually stop the tears as fast they’ve come. I generally tell myself, “you don’t have time for this. You need to focus and get through this. Stay strong in case someone needs you.” I’ve done that for nearly two weeks.

Today, I asked myself when can I just surrender to the pain and let it out. I pondered that because I could feel what the stress of the last few weeks has done to my body. Well, I should say how it triggered a minor flare of my autoimmune disease.

I’ve tried sleeping but my mind races. I’ve tried eating but I’m not interested. I’ve prayed and found some measure of peace. But, it’s been fleeting.

Today, I needed another escape while I waited for my mom to come out of a procedure. So, I began to cook. I made breakfast and barely ate it. I laid down and stared at the ceiling for hours but my mind raced. Then, I rose and made penne Alla Vodka from scratch with butter basted chicken breast. I prepared a bowl for myself and watched it cool as I waited for word.

As short time ago, my mother sent a text to let me know she’d made it through one procedure. I don’t know yet if they’ve fixed her medical issue but at least I know she’s making progress. Perhaps this glimmer of hope will help me rest, heal and release.

#Cancer #cancersucks #foodie #mothersanddaughters #amotherslove #family #grief #invisibleillness #chronicillness #chronicpain #disability #autoimmunedisease #spoonie