Unfortunately, Life’s Unfair

I wasn’t sure I had enough energy to make it to work. But, I said I’d be there. So, I climbed out of bed with little more than three hours sleep and an empty belly. I I reached for my phone to turn off the alarm then I saw a message from my coworker Derick. He said in part, “I always love our newsroom run-ins. I can always count on you for a laugh. Stay strong. We love you.”

I got a little misty-eyed as I thought, everyone thinks I’m strong but I don’t feel it right now. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. I don’t even know if I have a smile or a laugh in me today.

After a long, hot shower, I took my first steps towards work in days. Achy and sleepy I promised myself I’d come home if I got anything but positive news about my mom or my body gets worse.

As soon as I reached my desk at work I noticed a package with a beautiful card attached. It was from my coworker Candy. The card read simply, “unfortunately life isn’t always fair.”

She’s right, I thought. My mother beat cancer twice, she didn’t deserve to suffer more. And, two sweet, compassionate women didn’t deserve to die when they had so much left to see and do. But, that’s what happened and I have to make my peace with it so I can move forward. I’ve been wallowing in fear and sadness.

It wasn’t long after that I learned my mother made it through a procedure to stop her bleeding. She was up and taking. I was thrilled. I tucked the gift in my bag and counted down the hours until my work day was over.

I got home just in time to feel overwhelmed by fatigue. As I grabbed my pills out of my work bag, I felt the gift. I took it out and opened it. It contained creative socks featuring strong women who’ve overcome tough odds to thrive and change the world. I can only hope I’m just a little like them.

#RBG #coworkers #strongwomen #Cancer #cancersucks #mothersanddaughters #amotherslove #family #grief #invisibleillness #chronicillness #chronicpain #disability #autoimmunedisease #spoonie

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