My head was still foggy from the Ativan I’d ingested at HSS when I got to NY Penn Station. The crowds, the noise and the bright lights were making me nauseous and dizzy.

I found a spot where I could lean and take some pressure off my back and legs near the Auntie Anne’s pretzel stand. The smell of the warm buttery twists that usually made my mouth were causing me to gag.

As I moved away, I saw a Christmas display with a giant mailbox to send letters to Santa. I’d written letters as a child. But, as I grew up I stopped putting my wishes out into the universe.

I immediately began a note in my phone.

“Dear Santa, I’ve tried to be a better woman than I was the year before (except for cussing). I volunteered more. I made an effort to be optimistic in the tough times and I shared what I learned in my blog. I spoke to dozens of chronically ill people and I raised thousands for autoimmune disease charities. I collected 100 toys for sick and homeless kids. I tried to improve my body and to push myself out of my comfort zone, including saying ‘I love you’ and giving more hugs.
I’d like to ask your help with my Christmas wishes. I want my blog and my books to reach more people. I’d love to work with the production company that reached out to me about a TV project. I’d like to pay down this year’s medical bills ($8,000 for concussion treatment and $35,000 for back procedures.) I want to have a child and to be able to help my parents more.

I know this is a lot but faith tells me it’s all possible. In the book of Matthew it says, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

I’m going to print my letter and drop it into Santa’s box. Once Christmas is gone, I will keep speaking what I want into the existence. I’ll pray and I’ll take action too.

#backpain #spoonies #igg4 #autoimmunedisease #invisibleillness #chronicillness #chronicpain #disability #joythroughthepain #blogger #writinglife #LettersToSanta #SantaClaus #SpeakItIntoExistence @jasonhberger @tedxnewyork #Christmaswish