Day 132: Sometimes You’ve Done Enough

I raced across the city in a taxi for my 1:15 p.m. appointment after working on the noon newscast. I was relaxed, dare I say happy, after getting through my stories at a normal pace and catching up with friend Alicia. Alicia even brought me a treat from her latest travel adventure. I was also encouraged not return to work by my co-workers and supervisors.


I waited 30 minutes to be called into a room at the end of a long hallway. The tech took pictures and measurements then questions started.


“Why did you doctor want this? For your thyroid? Lymph nodes? How long had the lymph nodes been swollen?


I answered her questions and tried not to read anything into the situation. But the techs questions played over and over in my head as I waited for my chest, abdomen and pelvis CT scan. The only time I didn’t ponder them was when I was drinking a bottle of barium. The thick chalky liquid was hard to get down and stay down on an empty stomach. But, I finished it all in a half hour.


Afterwards, I waited in a room wearing only a robe alongside five half naked men for an hour before I was called in to the scanner room. Two techs there went over my name, birthdate and the reason for my test. Then, they left me on a table in a cold room inside a machine. 15 minutes later I was done.


“Your doctor will have the results early next week. You should check in with her. Good luck to you.”


“Good luck?I wondered. “Do I need luck? Well, I have faith so no matter what I’ll be okay.”


As I left the hospital at 4:30 p.m., I thought, I’m nauseous yet hungry because I haven’t eaten anything but a few crackers all day. I’m tired but I’m not sleepy. I’m anxious about the results yet I’ve taken every test my doctor has asked. I’ve done enough today. I’m not going back to work. I’m going home to rest.

#CTscan #ultrasound
#lymphoma #igg4 #spoonies #autoimmunedisease #cancer #invisibleillness #chronicillness #chronicpain #disability #2018 #joythroughthepain #blogger #writinglife

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