I sat stoic in the passenger seat of the car. I didn’t think about the horrendous traffic, what was in store for me at work or obsess about what I’d be able to eat after days of persistent nausea and vomiting. None of those things mattered as I opened my email from NYU MyChart telling me my test results were in.

The ultrasound showed two cysts on my thyroid. The findings were followed by a note advising my doctor that a biopsy to determine if they were cancerous were at her discretion.

Next, I looked at the results of the CT scan without contrast. It showed mild air trapping in the lower lobes of my lungs and Pulmonary pneumatoceles or air filled cysts too.

This made it hard for me to breathe, I thought.

Finally, it detected a hiatal hernia. I repaired one four years ago and six years before that when I fixed my stomach.

This explains the chest pains that make me feel like I’m having a heart attack when lever I eat, I thought.

I was relieved there was no sign of Lymphoma but I was also aware that a biopsy on my thyroid may follow along with more waiting. Additionally, I knew I’d have to find out if doctors can finally fix my stomach so I can eat properly.

When I finished reading all six pages, iI muttered to myself. “No excuses. There’s no excuse not to carry on with my plan for the day.”

As I began working, my co-worker Jimmy handed me a poem he said I inspired. It’s called, “Candy Lady.”

My grandma Nettie always said you have to take the bitter with the sweet in life, I thought.

I instantly knew the bitter was living with an autoimmune disease. The sweet is my chronic illnesses too.

It motivates me everyday to keep striving. Today, it drove me to donate the rest of my team t-shirts from Autoimmune Walk NYC to the B-Stem Project that exposes young girls to science, technology, etc… And, it inspired the postal worker assisting me to repackage the t-shirts to save me money on shipping. She told me that because I blessed someone else, god blessed me.

#thyroid #CTscan #lymphoma #igg4 #spoonies #autoimmunedisease #cancer #invisibleillness #chronicillness #chronicpain #disability #2018 #joythroughthepain #blogger #writinglife