I took a deep breath with my friend Ashley as I started my day. I got choked up listening to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony. I laughed until I lost track of time at lunch. And, I blushed when my supervisor complimented me on my blog posts. By late afternoon, there was a song in my heart that I presume God put there.

The uncontrollable joy came from deep within. It was inspired, I suspect, by the calm that took over my soul once it truly hit me that my waiting and wondering are nearly over. Tomorrow I will lay in a machine for hours, looking into every crevice that’s hidden from the naked eye to see if cancer is hiding. If it is, it’ll be pinpointed so a course of treatment can be planned. I’ll finally have a chance to face it, to fight and move forward.

I suspect that the idea that I will soon regain some control over an unexpected turn of events made me feel like myself again. I bounced out of work and headed for home. When I got there, I walked through the rain to the mailbox. Inside was a card from my goddaughter and her family expressing their love and support for me. There was also a drawing of what the kids thought I looked like at Autoimmune Walk NYC when they visited a couple of weeks ago. Knowing that I’ve made a lasting impression on them fuels to never stop fighting or listening to the song of hope in my heart.

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