I rubbed my eyes several times as I glanced out the window and saw snow falling. Yesterday I doubted that the forecasts for snow would hold true.

It was a calm Sunday but there was turmoil in my heart. I’d sacrificed another holiday with my parents and I was consumed by guilt all day. It’s been a rough few years for them with illness, distance and other things so I recently began to ponder their mortality. And, the notion that they wouldn’t see me walk without a cane again, marry, possibly have a child, finally have great success as a writer or share dozens of future holidays gnawed at me.

On my way home, I looked up to the sky and saw the moon shining through the clouds and the darkness like a beacon of light. I took that moon as as sign that my rough day was over and a new day was dawning.

This morning, I woke up and I felt lighter. I just sat and watched the snow fall. For once I didn’t have to trek out in it and risk agitating my temperamental body. I could just sit, take my medication, sip coffee and wonder at its beauty.

Yesterday, it was bright and sunny and today is cold and wet, I thought. Every day is truly different. It’s hard to tell what’s going to happen next with my parents, my health or the world at large. I just hope I’m prepared for whatever comes.

I thought about the lyrics to the spiritual, “I Don’t Know About Tomorrow” and I was comforted.

“I don’t know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don’t borrow from it’s sunshine
For it’s skies may turn to grey.”

It goes on to say,
“Many things about tomorrow
I don’t seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand…”

Read days 1-88: https://nikabeamon.com

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