Day 80: Life Must Go On

There’s barely a flake on the ground, I thought as I left my home. Maybe this Nor’easter won’t be as bad as predicted. I really don’t want to miss my consultation with a second doctor about the four masses in my chest.

At 12:45, I stepped back into my snow pants, put on my hat, pulled up my hood and I left. I walked seven blocks down and a few blocks over to the doctor’s office. I didn’t think about the snow pelting me in the face or my shoes and cane slipping every few inches. I wondered if the doctor would tell me these lumps will have to be cut out.

Minutes after arriving at Dr. Moore’s office, I was naked (except for my socks) and sitting on an exam table in a paper gown.

“I looked at your scans and I think I’m going to give out the best news I have shared all day,” Dr. Moore began. “But first let me exam you.”

His hands fumbled around on my chest as my arms rested above my head. Then, he asked me to put my hand in his as if he was a friend or lover. His grip comforted me while he checked the lymph nodes in my armpit.

“The last time I had this done, I was in this office with a different doctor. That began my two year string of surgical lymph node biopsies, “ I nervously uttered.

“This time is different,” he responded. “I don’t suspect Lymphoma or even Cancer. I think these are a type of inflammatory tumor sometimes associated with Igg4-rd. They’re rare in the breast but do occur in various body parts/organs and they’re usually benign. I do advise you have another scan in two months. If there are any changes we will do a biopsy then.”

I walked out of the office feeling a tad less worried. The wonder that had consumed me for nearly a month faded.

My mind wandered to my afternoon assignments, lunch and what fruit I’d pick from the stand that was unexpectedly open in the snow.

Life goes on no matter what challenges you face, I thought. You can go from a life and death struggle to the mundane errands in mere minutes.

Read days 1-73:

igg4 #spoonies #autoimmunedisease #invisibleillness #chronicillness #chronicpain #disability #2018 #joythroughthepain #writing #nor’easter #snow #breastcancer

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