It took me four days to get out of bed, get dressed, leave my house and go to work. My pain had finally become discomfort, which means it wasn’t gone but it was bearable with medication.
The cold was shock to my aching joints but it barely slowed me down. I was determined to begin again and I did. I was slower but I was present.
As soon as I got to work, the well-wishes poured in. I was grateful. However, I’m always baffled when people ask how do you feel? I always say fine even though I usually think “better than yesterday but every day is hard.”
Living with a chronic illness and chronic pain is isolating; it’s something most people can’t understand unless they live through it themselves. I often feel like I’m losing my mind. My crippling symptoms come out of no where for no apparent reason and sometimes they vanishes as quickly as they arrived. Frequently my days are like everyone else’s: exhausting, frustrating, fulfilling or exciting. But, on the days that my body goes haywire, I feel like I’ve aged instantly. I feel as if I’m losing quality time on this planet. So, I try to get back on my feet as quickly as possible even if I’m not 100 percent.
The truth is I decided a long time ago to refuse to silently fade away while an autoimmune disease tears apart the fabric of my life. I’ve discovered that By speaking (or in most cases typing out my tales) it informs people about the illness I kept secret for decades. It also might inspire the next person to fight for a cure/treatment. It may fosters compassion and understanding rather than pity or blame or doubt about the validity of a person’s illness. I hope it will allow someone else who is suffering to feel less alone. And, I pray it makes people think about how and if they can be there for someone in there life who is facing an obstacle.
#invisibleillness #spoonies #chronicpain #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #igg4 #disability