Can I Take Anymore?

Last night, I couldn’t wipe away my tears fast enough. When my hand was free, I clasped it in front of me, looked up at the sky and cried out, “Lord, I’ve taken all I can. I’ve endured assaults, procedures/surgeries, endless pain, staggering medical bills, infidelity, damage to a limb, rejection as a writer, the loss of loved ones and stress and poor treatment at work but I’m tired and I need a break. This new pain is just too much, the sadness it brings is too great.”

The warm tears flowed again as I waited for an answer or a sign about what to do. Then, a single thought entered my mind, “you’ve prayed now think and wait.” I laid there for about an hour until I was calm. With my mind finally quiet I thought, “It will be okay. Maybe not tomorrow but it will be. Hold on.” It wasn’t the answer that I was looking for but it was enough to allow me to sleep. And, I did and woke up to face another day.

I sat stoically at my desk, doing my best to hid my sorrow. Several people asked but I said little. By the afternoon, I was trying to find joy in little things when my co-worker Diana came up and she hugged me. She didn’t know that unsolicited gesture of love made me feel connected to something other than my pain for a few precious moments.

#autoimmunedisease #spoonies #chronicpain #chronicillness #invisibleillness #igg4 #depression #disability #powerofprayer

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