Look For Hidden Rainbows

The rain fell like tears from the eyes of someone struggling to hide their emotions as I walked to my first appointment yesterday. The low hanging clouds in the sky mirrored those overshadowing my life. The uncertainty of knowing my health and work fate interrupts my sleep and dominates my thoughts. But, I hustled and reached my destination on time.

I was running about 25 minutes as walked back to my car, trying to make it to take my father to his first chemo appointment. I sped up, ignoring the tendonitis and osteoarthritis pain in my left knee. As I pulled off my rheumatologist sent me a follow up message suggesting I start physical therapy twice a week. When do I have time to do that?

When I finally reached my father, we headed off to the infusion center. It was next door to the cancer center where I brought my mother two and half years earlier to battle gastric cancer. I prayed, silently, that his fight has a better outcome.

I wheeled him upstairs to the same place he’d done treatments a year earlier. The nurses greeted him like he was an old friend. He was so comfortable he told them about my wedding so I shared some photos. But, our good start quickly turned negative as we learned his treatment would have to be delayed because more tests were needed. My sister-in-law, who works at the hospital, came just in time to change the mood by showing up us videos of my nephew.

My father and I left and went to lunch at a quiet place where our masks would no longer be necessary. I was satisfied when I left him that at least, for today, he wasn’t alone and wasn’t left to focus on his illness.

Intrusive thoughts about my health, his health, and work as I pulled into my parking space at home. Then, at the top my stairs I saw a huge box. Inside was the framed copy of the New York Times article about my wedding. I opened and ended my day with a smile. I suppose that was God’s way of giving me a rainbow after an unsettling day.

#rainbows #rain #cancer #chronicpain #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #spoonie #invisibleillness #osteoarthritis #ADA #fathersanddaughters

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