One of my favorite statues depicts Atlas holding up the world near Rockefeller Center. I remember seeing it as a tween with my mother during a brief period when my parents were separated. We were there to go ice skating, something we both loved, but we stopped to take in the holiday decorations.

Everyone was looking at the angels and the giant tree but I was fascinated by that sculpture of Atlas. First, I thought this must be how my mother feels at this time in her life. Then, I realized that identified with him. I felt, from a young age, I was condemned to hold up the heavens or at least a world of burdens and responsibilities. And, I knew I wouldn’t quit. I would simply endure.

I remember that day and so many times my mother would take me on a girls day to go ice skating or shopping. As I got older we’d volunteer, watch holiday movies or exchange books to escape from life daily pressures and appreciate what we have rather than what we didn’t.

I miss those breaks from the heaviness of the world, especially after a difficult week. I miss her making me stop to pause, reflect, express gratitude and not regret or disappointment. So today for day 15 of my Christmas sweater countdown I grabbed a shirt to remind to do those things. It also keeps what I love about the holidays front and center in my mind.

(P.S. I wore a shirt yesterday on what would’ve been my mom’s birthday but I didn’t have the energy to post)

#mothersanddaughters #grief #loss #holidaymovies #rockefellercenter #christmassweater #christmascountdown #holidayseason #stress#chronicillness #spoonie #invisibleillness