I know I’d be too old to be considered an orphan but, today, I wondered what it would feel like to go through the rest of my life without both of my parents. The gut-wrenching thought entered my mind as I walked in to White Plains Hospital to see my father; the same place where my mother died in 2020.

The day began for me at 5 a.m. I shot straight up in bed after a “dream.” All I remember is that I entered a restaurant with my parents and my mom morphed into the frail woman she was before she passed away. She fell to her knees and screamed, “God help me, help us!l I thought she was warning me not to go to HSS for a procedure on my back. But, I was wrong.

I was preparing to leave the house when my phone rang. I could barely make out my father’s voice. “Hey Neek, it’s dad. I had a heart attack. I’m in the hospital.”

As my fiancé and I headed to the hospital. I wondered, “how am I going to care for my dad if he needs someone with him all the time?”

By the time we arrived at the main building, my angst was replaced with annoyance. The lady at the front desk told me I had to go back out into the rain and walk to the emergency room. On my way out, I saw my coworker/ friend Tracey. Seeing her put a smile on my face for the first time all day.

Wet and uneasy, I finally located my father. He was sleeping peaceful with oxygen in his nose, an IV of Heparin, and heart sensors on his chest. I stroked his hair to let him know I was there.

I stayed with him for hours as the doctors and nurses did EKG’s, took blood, took his vitals, scheduled him for stents and stabilized him after an allergic reaction. Nothing the doctors said comforted me. I only found solace in something my father said.

My father said that during his heart attack, he imagined he was talking my mother. He asked her, “is this my time?” He says he sensed her response was no and this is why he called the ambulance. I thought, love, even the memory of it, is so powerful it can drive someone to fight for their life. 🙏🏾

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