I hadn’t experienced pure and utter joy in so long I’d started to think it wasn’t part of God’s plan for the rest of my life; that HE would continue to test me, give me strength to carry on and reward me in the hereafter. And, I’d made my peace with that. I still chose to find a reason to smile or laugh every day but my happiness was always fleeting. It was constantly overshadowed by the litany of deaths, disappointments and setbacks  with my chronic illnesses that I’ve faced over the last two years, along with a pandemic and increased workload. However, everything changed in an instant this morning.

I’d just finished clean up a cat hairball off the floor in my guest room when my phone binged. It was a group text from my brother T informing me, my father and brother that his first born child, a boy, had arrived. I wept and exclaimed with glee.

Finally some good news, I thought. What a blessing!

I paused for a moment and spoke to my late mother.

“Mom, your baby has had a baby and he’s beautiful. I’m sure you met him before he got to us. I promise you, we will shower him with as much love as you would’ve. He will know you.”

I stared at the photos of the baby and for once I  didn’t feel the tinge of sadness and envy, I usually have when someone I know has a baby when I cannot. I was just grateful that I get to be an aunt again. And, I thought, nothing heals a wounded and weary heart more than the promise of the future that new life embodies.

#aunts #brothersandsisters #baby #grief

#loss #death #chronicillness #worklifebalance #autoimmunedisease #covid-19 #pandemic #family