I know I’m not what I once was: young, extremely thin, overflowing with so-called friends,  untouched a paralyzing loss, or naive about the world, relationships, or my profession. The last year my life, as I knew it, went up in flames. So for Day 17 of my Christmas countdown, which is my birthday,  I’m wearing my dumpster fire shirt. 

I’ve learned so much about myself. I’ve gained enough confidence to know that I can get through extreme grief, cope with isolation, endure incurable pain, question my faith but retain it, shrug off career disappointments, and weather unexpected separations. 

I’ve also discovered the power of saying “I love you” more, of saying “thank you” to those who go above and beyond for you, of saying “I’m sorry” to someone you hurt, of saying “I forgive you” to someone who needs it, of saying “goodbye” to someone who needs to go, of saying “i got you” to someone who is struggling, of saying “I need you, and of saying “no” when you don’t want to do something or simply can’t.

I thank God for allowing not only to grow a year older but wiser. Heck, this year I’m just grateful I was allowed to see another day given Covid, Cancer or anything else that could’ve taken me. I know that every day is a chance to be a better version of myself. 

I’ve walked through so many fires and came out charred on the other side. But, I’m still standing, finding a reason to be merry and bright despite it all. 

Happy birthday to me! 

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