The other day I found myself watching “The Preacher’s Wife” with the late Whitney Houston, Courtney B. Vance, Denzel Washington and the late Gregory Hines repeatedly. At first, I thought I was emotional over seeing Gregory vibrant again.   I had the pleasure of meeting and talking to him several times when I was the producer of an African-American public affairs show, “Like It Is.” But, I quickly realized that wasn’t it. I truly identified with Courtney’s character; a person of faith who is disillusioned, is bound by obligations, and is emotionally disconnected at Christmas time. 

I started my Christmas sweater countdown to force myself to be cheerful, to spread joy and to, in some small way, inspire thought. It has genuinely brought me some happiness. But, like my sweater on Day 12 points out, conflicting emotions swirling within me this Christmas make me want to scream or cry daily.

After I do, I stare at the lights on my Christmas tree and remember the promise of the season; forgiveness, peace, hope, comfort and joy despite difficult circumstances and a path to a better life. The little things I’ve done like the sweaters and the tree have helped me. I’m slowly healing from immense heartache. To paraphrase a Chinese proverb, I don’t fear going slow.  I fear standing still. 

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