There’s no mound of presents near my fireplace, no tree glistening, no holiday music playing and no teenager milling about this year. I have no decisions to make about the dinner I will cook and no guests to greet. I’m up early but not because I’m excited about a visit from Santa. It’s quiet. It’s still. And, I’m tense and sad this Christmas morning.

I’m going to spend the morning visiting my mom in the hospital, where she’s for more than a day after more internal bleeding nearly took her from us. Then, I’ll go home by myself.

For me, Christmas is about the time spent with family and friends, reflecting on ones faith and the sacrifices made on our behalf. It’s about expressing appreciation for what you have and sharing love with others. However, I haven’t felt much love in return lately, especially this season.or, at least this is the thought that’s rattling around my distraught mind.

I thought putting on one my ugly Christmas sweaters would brighten my mood but it didn’t. However, I decided to wear it to the hospital knowing it will make my mother smile and it will hide my distress.

I also did one other thing to get in a better mindset. I looked to the heavens for guidance. It was then that I remembered a verse from Ephesians, “Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong.” And, HE is the reason for the season. I know he will never leave me nor forsake me. HE will give the strength I need to make today the merriest day it can be under the circumstances.

#MerryChristmas #HaveFaith #HappyHolidays #Faith #invisibleillness #chronicillness #chronicpain #disability #autoimmunedisease #spoonie #cancersucks #new year #UglyChristmasSweaters