For the first in months, I woke up with a song on my mind. It was “You Were Loved” by Whitney Houston. Specifically, the lyrics to the chorus.
“You were loved by someone
Touched by someone
Held by someone
Meant something to someone
Touched somebody’s heart
Along the way
You can look back and say (mm)
You were loved (yes you were)”
I believe a higher power was sending me a message I’ve desperately needed. Nerve pain has shaken me out of a dead sleep nearly every night for two weeks leaving me exhausted and irritated.
Recently I’ve been wondering how I can make my mother’s bout with a recurrence of cancer easier while dealing with my own struggles with chronic illness and pain. And, I’ve pondered how can I continue to work full-time at a high stress job, be there for my parents, maintain a writing career, a relationship, and go back to school.
The thoughts and fatigue have left me distracted at work, distant at home and disconnected from friends. Frankly, I’ve felt useless.
I should’ve felt better when my friend Alicia bought me a snack from Trader Joe’s last week for no reason at all or when my co-worker Diana unexpectedly dropped off heart shaped cookies and other treats yesterday. But, I didn’t hold onto the joy.
Today, I rejoice. I finally get why I received those kind gestures and the song in my head. They were trying to show me that through the ups and downs in life you are/were loved.
#Cancer #cancersucks #spoonies #autoimmunedisease #invisibleillness #chronicillness #chronicpain #blogger #writinglife