Day 127: Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning

I fought a quivering lip during my NJ Transit ride and watery eyes on the light rail on Friday night. Then, I cried privately in the bathroom as soon as I got home from work.

I can’t believe I’m going this this again, I thought. I just gave a speech this weekend about how I battled through my Lymphoma scare five years ago. Now I may be facing one again.

I sat on the toilet lid and rubbed the back of my knee which set off my latest health panic. Following a flurry of activity around my participation in Autoimmune Walk NYC and a public forum at NYU Langone, my leg was killing me. A lump had formed behind my knee that radiated pain down to my foot when I stood up.

Monday I rested. But, my leg didn’t get better. Tuesday, I called my doctor. I learned that inflammation in my knee pushed out the synthetic fluid I’d injected to help me walk with less pain.

I made an appointment with my doctor for Friday afternoon and resumed my regular activities with the help of pain meds.

I wasn’t at the doctor more than fifteen minutes before she noticed my low energy. A quick exam revealed enlarged lymph nodes on the left side of my neck.

Have you been tired? Sweating at night? Having any abdominal pain?
As soon as I answered yes, the doctor ordered blood tests, asked for a urine sample, an ultrasound and CT scan of my neck, chest and abdomen.” This is just like what happened the last time I had to have six Lymphoma surgeries, I thought. Could it be back?

I returned to work after I completed what was requested and I said nothing. I didn’t cry until I got home. I cried Saturday morning too. I didn’t even seesunlight. But, Saturday night o opened the front door briefly and found a box.

Inside was a T-shirt, a card, a bag and a certificate telling me I’d raised the most money at this year’s Autoimmune Walk NYC.

Sacrificing my body meant something, I thought. What a testimony I will have at next year’s walk. I’ll make it through this even if it’s another Lymphoma scare.

#aarda #igg4 #spoonies #autoimmunedisease #invisibleillness #chronicillness #chronicpain #disability #2018 #joythroughthepain #lymphoma

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