What’s going on with my legs, I thought as I caught a glimpse of them in the full length mirror in the hall. I’ve lost weight but now the skin is loose. My legs used to be tight and muscular. The muscles have atrophied because I haven’t been able to work out as much. My condition has torn up the inside of my body now the outer shell too.

I shook off my insecurity and got in the shower. As I lathered up, I looked at each part of my body.

I used to have defined triceps, I thought. They’re gone, I’m not nearly as sick as I used to be. Maybe I should start working out again.

I dried off, put lotion on and got ready for work.

Ironically, my coworker Alicia came in and began talking about her efforts to improve her body.

She looks great, I thought. Maybe it’s human nature to doubt your appearance.

After a long day at work, I got on the train. By then, my hair was fuzzy, my eyes were dry and my lips were chapped.

A man plopped down next me and began a conversation. It was meaningless chatter about the rain and the electronic tickets. I didn’t realize he thought our talk was going anywhere until I got up to get off at my stop.

Why in the world would he want my phone number, I thought. I look terrible. I mean, I wouldn’t give it to him anyway but maybe I’m too hard on myself.

I got home and put on my pajamas. Then, I looked at myself in the mirror. Instead of being critical, I was proud of what I saw in the mirror.

Read days: 1-53: https://nikabeamon.com

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