Day 12: Soar Despite Negativity

For a day, a message from a “friend” haunted me. I’ve been writing a blog post a day about one positive conversation, event or thought I’ve experienced. It’s an exercise to change how I look at my life; to find the joy sometimes hidden in pain.


I was feeling lighter, less stressed, and happier overall. It was even becoming more thoughtful about my actions. So much so, I apologized for lashing out at a supervisor when I was overwhelmed. I also volunteered to take on an assignment when I saw a co-worker had too many.


Just as I was starting to feel freer, I received that note. It began that as long as I continue to work at my job the toxicity there would envelop me, seep through my psyche into my physical realm.


It also included a sermon excerpt.
“A beautiful bird flew in the sky. On the ground, lay another bird covered in mud. He enticed the flying bird to come wallow with him. The flying bird reluctantly agreed and within minutes, she too was covered in mud, no longer able to fly.”


I initially I thought, this sounds like the crabs in a bucket mentality; If I can’t be happy I’m going to drag you down to make sure you aren’t. Then, I became defensive. I thought, yes, I have a stressful job that leaves me feeling overworked,underpaid and undervalued. But, I also share stories, smiles, treats, and laughs at work too.


I was so bothered by the message it invaded my dreams. In one vivid one there was a little bird, dirty but flying free. It shook off the remaining filth, waved to its friend and kept soaring. I’m certain that was my subconscious telling me not to let someone else’s negativity derail my plan, alter my mood or weigh me down.


Read days 1-11 here: https://nikabeamon.com

#negativity #spoonie #autoimmunedisease #invisibleillness #chronicillness #chronicpain #igg4 #disability #2018 #crabsinabucket #blacktwitter

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