Am I Losing My Humanity?

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Am I losing my humanity? That’s the question that went through my mind when my boss called a meeting in the newsroom and told us our co-worker, Mike Lynn, passed away. I felt numb when I thought I’d crumble.

Seconds later, my chest began feel heavy; it was weighed down by my sorrow but the tears didn’t come. My head hurt and I wasn’t thinking clearly but I knew there was no time to break down. I only had minutes until the 6 p.m. show.  And, I still had work to do. 

I tried not to think about the fact the Mike collapsed feet from where I was sitting. He too showed up for work today feeling under the weather but I was less than a half hour from going home while he wouldn’t.

Honestly, I didn’t see Mike often. He worked the overnight shift and I was on days. However, we were hardly strangers. His scripts were always filed in the rundown. I often used them as a base for my work in later shows. Whenever there was a snowstorm he worked late and I came in early. On those days, he’d stop to catch me up on his kids, office politics or current events. In recent years we became friends online. He’d like my posts, sometimes comment and occasionally send me a note in messenger to let me know he’d eaten some of my candy so he left me cash for some more.

It’s hard to believe that one of the most reliable co-workers I’ve had since the 90’s is no more. We are, or should I say we were, the last two full-time writers. Now I am alone and I don’t like it.

I will miss his wit, his humor, his intellect and his stories.  This thought made me cry on the train ride home. I guess years of covering tragedy hasn’t stolen my humanity; I still feel the pain of losing another co-worker suddenly and far too soon. 

Number One Thing To Do

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I woke up this morning with no where to go; that’s extremely rare for me. I’m constantly making “to do lists” so I utilize the time I am well effectively. But, today’s list was blank except for: “put your feet up.”

I had to write that down to remind me to not to attempt to use my crutches to wade through the snow and ice on my doorstep to try to get to work.

At 9:30 am, I felt compelled to get up and shower. Then, I stood staring at my closet until I realized I just needed something to wander around the house in. So, I grabbed the pajama set my dear friend bought me the previous night.

I mentioned to him that my fiancé decided we should stay a second night at a hotel near work to make his commute easier. But, he’d taken our suitcases to his car earlier in the day. This meant thatI had no change of clothes.

My friend offered to escort me to Century 21 to pick something out. But, my supervisor arranged for our courier to drop me off at the hotel so I didn’t have to limp through the snow.

I slid on the slush outside the courier’s car at the hotel and fear welled inside me.

Maybe it is best that I don’t go out in this wintery mess, I thought. I might break something else.

As I sat, fully dressed in my hotel room, my friend called. He was coming upstairs to drop something off. He’d gone to Century 21 on his own to pick out the night set for me. He also got a toothbrush and toothpaste.

“I can’t believe you did this.”

“I just wanted make sure you get some rest. Do you need anything else?”

“No, you’ve done more than enough.”

“Okay. Just feel better and rest.”

When the room door closed, I dialed my mother and told her what he did.

As soon as I hung up, I slipped into the pajamas and sat on the end of the bed as my broken toes throbbed.

I have got to put my health first, I thought. I go to the doctor, take my medication but I need to rest more. I have tackle this the way I get everything else done.

I took out my phone and wrote “put my feet up” on my daily to do list. Then, I grabbed my phone and emailed my boss to take the day off.

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