Let Love Replace Grief

Every day I wake up in a fog; my head is clouded with notion that perhaps today I’ll think about my mother a little less than the day before. But, within hours some well-meaning person calls or sends a text to see how I am doing and I backslide. Sadly, that’s when I want to my mom the most. I yearn to talk to her to get my feelings out. Yet, the one person who usually get me through the toughest moments in my life is gone.

This morning, I bowed my head and mumbled, “why did you have to leave me? You were my voice of reason, my healing hand, my sounding board. You know I’m guarded even with my closest friends but with you I could be, do, and say anything. I miss that.”

I sat in silence, working on my story assignments with an empty feeling in my stomach that I presumed would never away. Then, I discovered I was wrong.

To say I was bombarded by loving words and gestures today doesn’t begin to sum it up. I got a spoonful of comfort package filled with yummy food, inspirational quotes and a loving note from my goddaughters. I got sunflowers (even though I’m allergic). I got an email from a friend offering homemade cookies. I got more sympathy cards. I got an email from a coworker welcoming me back to work and offering support. I got an unexpected call from my fiancé at lunch and texts from several other friends. 

I looked up and mumbled, “I get it. You’re gone but you left me in good hands. You left me with more love can handle. I just have to let it in.”

#scleroderma #cancer #cancersucks #mothersanddaughters #blackfamily #invisibleillness #chronicillness #eulogy #chronicpain #spoonie #death #grief 

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