Day 18: A Fragile Soul Can Be Strengthened By Friendship

Shame is a powerful emotion. It pulls you down to the darkest depths of your soul. You feel like a failure, a horrible human being, and a terrible friend. At least that’s how I felt last night.

I tossed and turned as I tried to sleep. I kept going over my finances in my head. I was trying to figure out how little money I could have on hand without feeling irresponsible.

Something always happens to me, I thought. My roof leaks for the first time in ten years and that costs me money. I throw out my back out and that costs me a day at work and overtime. I take my car in for damage from a pothole and I need a tire and a rim. I pay a medical bill, I get one for $613. I’ve been hemorrhaging money lately. I can’t afford to spend $623 on a flight, along with the cost of a hotel and an Uber to and from the airport; that will be more than a thousand dollars. If this were two months from now, my account would be back in a comfortable range. But, how can I miss this funeral? How can I not be there for my friend?

At 7:15 am, I climbed out of bed still as depressed as I’d been since I told my friend I’d miss her dad’s service. I went through the motions. I got dressed and left for work.

As soon as I got to my desk, my cell phone beeped. It was message from my friend/former co-worker Jay.

“I have 21,000 American miles that are about to expire. They’re yours if you need them.”

I hadn’t asked him to help me but he read about my plight and reached out. I teared up so much I quickly walked to the bathroom.

I texted Jay to tell him that he was a great friend and his gesture touched me. He replied that he was happy to help and that I was a great friend too. I said thank you. But, I should’ve told him that his offer rejuvenated me. It showed me how a fragile soul can be strengthened by friendship.

Read days 1-17 here:

#spoonie #autoimmunedisease #invisibleillness #chronicillness #chronicpain #igg4 #disability #2018 #joythroughthepain #grief #death #loss #friendship #co-worker #backpain


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