“It looks like an attacker tried to slit my throat,” I thought when I looked in the mirror after getting stitches taken out following a partial thyroidectomy and 2 1/2 inch nodule removal surgery. “The only good thing is the biopsy shows no carcinoma so this was likely due to my condition.”

Yesterday, I sat still as a nurse practitioner tugged on the string hanging out of my wound. She told me the only way to get it out, was to pull it all the way through the wound. She did it with no anesthesia even though the incision point was raised and tender to the touch. 

When she was done, she asked if I wanted to see the wound. She handed me a mirror. I barely glanced at it. 

Normally the side effects of my condition, Igg4-rd, are invisible.The exception has been after past surgeries, specifically on my neck. Strangers have approached me to ask what’s wrong with me. The thought of facing more of those uncomfortable moments made me ill. 

“I hope my neck heals as well as it did before, I thought. I’d already had a nodule removal, three fine needle aspiration biopsies, and six individual surgical lymph node dissections.  Thyroid nodules and enlargement, swollen lymph nodes and tumor like lesions that mimic cancerous diseases are common with my condition. 

I had no time to dwell on my new scar because I was told I needed a new scan. So, I got dressed in a sweater with a high collar, got in my car and headed off. I didn’t anticipate how much turning my head while driving would cause me pain.

I stopped by my old pharmacy to pick up a new prescription. The pharmacist came out and shook hand. He glanced at my scar then looked me in the eyes and said, “I’ve looked after you for more than 25 years. I hope there are many more.”

“Thank you for that,” I said with my hoarse voice, which is still not back to normal after surgery. 

His words made me realize that my scars are the result of my fight to stay in this life. I’m over 50. I don’t wear makeup but I think I still look pretty good considering all I’ve been through. Besides, those who truly care about me see the whole me not the mutilated parts. 

#thyroidectomy #chronicillness #health #igg4 #autoimmunedisease#spoonie