What we watch feeds the mind in either a good or bad way. I considered that as I put on my shirt for Day 13 of my Christmas sweater countdown. It was inspired by legendary “Dateline” journalist Keith Morrison. It said “it was a holiday just like any other or was it?” Those words turned out to be prophetic asmass killings at Brown University and Bondi Beach tainted the holiday season. 

I digress. I put that shirt on because I planned to watch the new movie in the Knives Out Series, “Wake Up Dead Man.”  I love a good murder mystery. What I found was a film examines faith, the lack of it, the human condition and moral failings.

I won’t go through every scene but one with Father Jud Duplenticy on which he says  “He didn’t transform me… he sustains me… he is my daily bread . The line paraphrases Isiah 46:4. I woke up with those words on my mind on Day 14 of my Christmas sweater countdown. I am wearing, “When I’m dead inside but it’s Christmas” to mark what would’ve been my mother’s 75th birthday. 

Since her passing and my father’s, I often feel like a dead person resurrected from the depth of despair, walking around consumed with grief in a shell of my once faithful self. I feel like others look to me for strength not realizing that mine waivers and, at time, is teetering on the edge of collapsing in anger and guilt over perceived failings. Yet, like the pastor’s  quest I continue to strive to rise above knowing God sustains me.

I also keep reflecting on the tune being played by the cellist at the end of the movie. She yearned for a miracle cure to end the chronic pain. At times, I thought I’d give anything to be saved from mine. Her journey reminded me that God doesn’t promise an easy, pain-free life (John 16:33).  She was playing, “Tis The Gift to Be Simple, which teaches the true freedom comes from appreciating the simple gifts like love. 

#simplethings #knivesout #faith #autoimmunedisease  #chronicillness #chronicpain #invisibleillness #christmassweatercountdown #grief #wakeupdeadman